When I was younger I loved to write and draw. As I've gotten older and life has just kind of taken over, I feel like I lost a lot of that. But, it's never too late to get it back right? I may never write anything that becomes famous but that's really not the point. The point is to get back to those things I love. To find that passion again and to hopefully grow in it. And this is my own personal platform to share those things. I will give you fair warning that it's not all sunshine and butterflies.

I lie awake, night after night.

Afraid to sleep, for my own sake.

For when I do, memories will surely come flooding through.

Some good, some bad. Some I deeply wish I'd never had.

I toss and turn and flinch all night.

I scream and cry and try to fight.

God I'd do anything, just to see the morning light.

You storm around inside my head,

Spewing things you always said!

I try to run, with no where to go.

I try to hide, but you always know.

Your hate runs deep and I don't understand.

I'm only a child who needed a hand.

You cuss, you drink, you scream, you yell!

Will you hurt me again? I just can't tell.

You stomp around inside my dream.

Then whip me till you hear me scream.

And finally I wake at last.

Realizing my dream was from my past.

Night after night I lie awake.

Afraid to sleep for my own sake.

Everyone dreams of a happy ending.

Not thinking twice about the message that might be sending

For what defines happiness anyway?

Is it only what others perceive and say?

Then what of the smile that I paste across my face?

When deep down it seems like such a waste.

Or the flicker you see in my eye?

Unbeknownst to you that it's just the first tear I'm about to cry.

How do we know when we're at our happy ending?

Does an extraordinary today mean never again will my heart need mending?

And if it's the end of something, how happy can it really be?

Doesn't "the end" mean no more, I'm just curious you see!

For in our world today, happiness seems to be such a hard thing to find.

Or maybe it's not and it's just us that are blind.

For happiness is all around us in our every day.

But sometimes we miss it because it doesn't always stay.

We are so focused on the things that don't really matter.

That we miss the beauty and only get sadder.

So brothers and sisters open your eyes.

For love is where happiness really lies.

Love of our family, our pets and our friends.

Even love for a stranger you help with the hand you lend.

Oh my child, what a profound message that does send.

Love for nature or just a stray.

Love that lasts a lifetime or maybe just a day.

For where there is love, happiness too resides.

Because it's in LOVE that God ALWAYS provides.

Sirens ripping through the streets.

As I toss and turn between my sheets.

Others panic at that awful sound.

As I reminisce of a love I once thought I had found.

Sirens here and sirens there......

it seems they chase me everywhere!

And every time I feel the pain.

I wonder how long this feeling is to remain.

Sirens echo through the air.

Into the abyss I sit and stare.

They say that time heals all things.

But they never say what else it brings.

Sirens all day and every night.

Can't tune them out with all my might.

I feel so foolish after all these years,

that on certain nights my cheeks STILL stain with tears.

It's not the love I thought I'd found,

that breaks my heart with every pound.

But instead, it's the friendship that I lost,

that seemed so easily to be tossed.

I walk into work with such hope every morning.

Just praying you won't try to grope me again without warning.

I put my head down and just try to do my job.

But, you get upset and accuse me of acting like a snob.

At home I have a child to provide for.

Therefore I can't afford to be kicked out the door.

So, I tolerate the humiliation.

And I try to ignore what you tell others of our affiliation.

Your touch makes my stomach turn.

And your unwanted whispers make my ears burn!

I ask you time and time again to stop,

but every time it's just a flop.

For you make it clear it's my job you'll drop!

You continually call and text my phone.

Never ever just leaving me the fuck alone!

You beg me to be with you.

Even saying it's what you're "due".

I plead with you to just let me be.

But you insist that YOU know what's best for me!

I have to remind myself again and again that I'm a single

mother and I need this job.

But God, how I wish it wasn't my joy and peace it had to rob!

My heart breaks every night.

For the next day I know it will just be another fight.

I wish there was an end to the harassment in sight.

Just getting through another day will take all my might.

Having to tolerate your advances every day isn't fair.

But, you know you hold all the power, so you simply do not care!

The sound of your voice makes me nauseous.

And every lie you tell makes me more and more cautious.

Your laughter hides your deception.

I would give anything to show everyone you through my perception.

Even your name makes my skin crawl.

But I have provide so I can not fall.

Therefore here I am, day after day stuck giving it my all!